How kink taught me to love my body
Like a lot of young women in their teens and twenties, I grew up feeling very uncomfortable in my own body. By most “standards” I was too big – my thighs were too fat, my arms were too chubby and my boobs were definitely too enormous to be considered desirable. I was an early bloomer and it showed. By the time I was 13 I was sprouting curves all over the place. I got unwanted attention from boys and later from men.
I became a tomboy to evade the male gaze, wearing baggy pants and wide T-shirts to make myself as unattractive to them as possible. With success – the harassment decreased as I became a wallflower. But it came at a price: it was hugely damaging to my self-esteem. In a world where young women are taught that their looks are what matters most, I was convinced I was unimportant because I was unattractive. I started to hate the curves that I felt were the cause of my problem.
This changed when I entered the queer BDSM scene. I had always been curious, especially about things that were taboo. So I summoned up all my courage and went to a fetish party. And I came out thinking “wow”. Never before had I seen women of all shapes and sizes engage in pleasure so freely. Not one of them was self-conscious. I saw wrinkles, scars, cellulite, muffin top, saggy breasts, big bellies, thunder thighs…and it was so beautiful. Their most amazing asset was confidence.
Being stereotypically attractive wasn’t important. Instead, your desires, fantasies and how you click with a potential play partner were much more relevant. Seeing these women gave me the courage to wear the clothes I had been too afraid to even try on. So I got out there and wore the corset that made my boobs take on intimidating proportions. I put on the tight rubber dress that highlighted every contour of my belly. And sometimes I went naked. And lo and behold, people thought I was attractive! Little by little I gained confidence and let go of the blockages, which had inhibited me from doing all the dirty stuff I really wanted to do (‘cause let’s face it, we’re all perverts at heart).
I wanted to share this experience with other women who might be struggling with their bodies the way I did, and encourage them to embrace their passions. I chose to do this through a medium which is very personal to me: lingerie. I took the impressions and experiences I gathered in the kink scene and translated them into designs. This is how my label Pique Lingerie was born, which focuses on badass sexy underwear for the woman with ample curves. I have never felt better – being comfortable in my own skin, owning my body, and starting a business in something I am passionate about.
The important (but hardly surprising) lesson I learned was that deep sexual fulfilment starts with loving yourself, and possibly attending a BDSM party. So don’t worry about those fat rolls and put on that tight little latex number you’ve been hiding in your closet. I dare you.
This post was written by a RWL Guest Blogger – Heidi is a 30-something lingerie enthusiast turned entrepreneur who cares more about her innerwear than her outerwear. A university graduate in Something Sensible, she ditched her jetsetting career in order to found Pique Lingerie. She enjoys long walks, bondage art, and giving a good spanking. If you’re a fan of Berlin’s nightlife, you might find her shaking what her (grand)ma gave her in one of the city’s famed clubs. All photography in this post is by Maria Vaorin.