Stilettos and Champagne: A slightly unusual hobby

I wanted to start my blogging for Rarely Wears Lipstick with a short highlight reel of what and who I am. Then I came to realise that the “highlights” were more “full feature” length and probably should be shown in a small discreet shop in certain areas of London and Amsterdam! I don’t so much have a small toy collection as a teeny tiny gadget addiction. It sounds far more respectable than “Hi, my battery recharger is hooked straight up to the national grid.” I mean how many can say they burnt out the motor on a £90 vibrator?

My life and my sexual life have both had their ups and downs – cue innuendos aplenty – but to my amazement I found that the same thing made me incredibly happy on both fronts and it was one man. A man whom some might say led me astray, I’d argue that he merely showed me how to work the door handle on a door I’d been hammering on for years. The one thing that he gave me though was confidence, both to push myself professionally and to grow sexually. I found courage to go for that promotion I wanted, the new job that I thought I’d never be good enough for, and sexually I was suddenly supported by someone who was interested in what I wanted, what I wished to try, and helped me make it happen.

I keep my private sexual life separate from a lot of my work and personal life, my lifestyle choices are ones still covered in taboos and judgements. I am a swinger. I’m proud of it, but I also accept and understand that many will judge me for it. So, whilst I don’t fear the effects people’s judgement may have on my life, I don’t wish to saddle my children with the judgements others will make of them because of my lifestyle. I am a swinger, but I am a mother and a wife first, and I just happen to have a slightly unusual hobby. Hey, at least it’s not coin collecting right?

Maybe this is a good time to explain what swinging is to me, because I expect many will have some preconceived ideas like I did when I first came across it. I’ve never been passed on via car keys in a fish bowl! Swinging is first and foremost about doing only what you want to do. I’m sure the key thing happens, and if it does, good for those who get a buzz from it. Personally though I like to pick and choose!

I’ve come across many people swinging and too often I meet people who think swinging is a remedy for a poor sex life or a way to spice up an ailing relationship. It is anything but! It requires ultimate trust in your partner; it takes confidence and it takes guts. I can usually predict exactly who will not make it as a couple within minutes of chatting to them as swingers, but those who choose swinging as a hobby are often some of the most confident people I have met and it’s levelling. Where else can you come across CEOs, judges, police officers, stay at home mums, ordinary people, all talking like the equals we actually are? I have sat in millionaire’s hot tubs, played in ordinary peoples living rooms and done pole dancing with gay bar staff – I admit I sucked at pole dancing, but importantly I didn’t care, I gave it a go and I can say “I did it”.

I don’t ever want to convert anyone to my lifestyle – no-one should ever be converted. Either this is something that appeals to you as a hobby, or it simply isn’t. I love what we do, I love that we can go out and be free. I love that if I go to a club on my own without my husband I know that I am safer in a swinging club than in a nightclub with “vanilla” people. This strange world of mine where “no means no” and no one ever pushes the point. Where I can leave on my own and know a doorman will be happy to walk me to a taxi or my car if I want him to, and be a gentleman doing it.

I often wonder why people are so afraid of the taboos of swinging. Isn’t this a strange world where we think it’s a laugh to go out to clubs and pubs, and when men get pushy we’re uncomfortable but unsupportive of each other. Yet in my hidden world I can feel safe walking amongst strangers totally naked, knowing a simple “thanks, but no thanks” will get me a smile and “no worries, hope you have a great evening anyway”. What a strange topsy turvy world we live in, do we not?

This post was written by RWL columnist Stilettos and Champagne – Ever wondered about the secret lives of “the people next door”, “the mum in the supermarket”, “the executive ball buster at work” or even just “the ordinary looking woman walking down the high street”? Well… I’m one of those.

First image by lipsticklori. Second image via Caitlinator‘s Flickr photostream.