On bisexuality…

Although I’ve written about coming out as bisexual for BitchBuzz before, it’s not a subject I’ve covered on Rarely Wears Lipstick much so I thought I’d better fix that today. Although you might think it’s a label that you understand if you’re not bi, it’s actually far more complicated than you might think. It took me years to realise that being bisexual is an important part of who I am. It wasn’t just a passing phase, and the fact I didn’t have a relationship with a woman for a very long time didn’t actually mean that I was ‘heteroflexible’ instead – I just hadn’t met the right woman for that level of intimacy to happen. Also, I didn’t actually have to have a relationship with a woman at all to be bi. Just being interested is enough. Finally I admitted it to myself enough to tick a box on an equal opportunities form, and then I started to think further about what that meant.

To most people, I appear to be straight because I am in a long term relationship with a member of the opposite sex. If my only relationship was with a woman, many people might assume I’d ‘turned gay’. That’s just when they don’t know the truth right? Not necessarily. Even when you come out, the misunderstanding continues. Some people assume you’re greedy or indecisive. Some people assume that you’re more likely to cheat on your partner, or have to be non-monogamous because you probably can’t control your urges. Some straight people assume that bisexual women simply sleep with women because their boyfriend likes it. Some straight people think that bisexual men are actually gay and haven’t admitted it to themselves yet. Hell, some gay people think that bisexuals are just halfway to admitting a total same sex preference. No, we’re happy the way we are, thank you very much.

OK, so people do sometimes change and labels do have to be re-evaluated, but it’s a shame when others assume they know more about you than you know yourself. Maybe they’re just worried that their own preferences might change at some point and that they won’t be able to handle it? Life’s more fun when people just relax and behave in a way that’s true to themselves. Gay, straight, bi or queer… can’t we stop judging for five minutes and all just be a bit more open minded? We can all have our cake and eat it in our own way.

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Image of bisexual pride flag by Peter Salanki.